Do you know when you receive something at just the right time or someone says something you’ve been needing to hear? Well I woke up to an email this morning, beautifully written, from someone I know commenting on the two journeys I have been making; the journey overland and the voyage within. In that moment I felt seen.
I’ve been so aware of this notion of being seen and valued by those around you and the exchange that you have to enrich each others lives. Over the past few weeks I’ve met some incredible women that I’ve had a gorgeous connection with. I reflected on why these experiences have been so powerful and realised it was because we connected through our sharing, what it means to be a woman, our similarities, our differences, our strengths and our struggles. A process of showing up, meeting each other on a level, noticing the other person and being seen. I get so much energy from this kind of interaction, it’s incredibly powerful when you delve deeper with people beyond the standard how long have you been in India questions.
This past month has been a very turbulent voyage within, I’ve been doing some serious hard work on myself so it has been a blessing to be held by these women (and my amazing friends at home too). But do you know what? It’s all got a bit heavy. I’m feeling quite drained and raw to the point where I have been considering coming home early. When you’re in a darker mindset the outside world seems to respond to this energy. I got followed by a guy for about 45 minutes the other day, he just would not leave me alone. I asked several people on the street to get him to stop following me but he ignored them. So I marched up to him and confronted him through teary scared eyes… 5 minutes later he was still following me. When my resilience is low things like this affect me on a deeper level and I just can’t deal with it. The brightness of India fades and the darkness seeps in.
Alas it is not all doom and gloom! I spent the week couchsurfing with a lovely guy from Boston who teaches at the International School in Kodaikanal. His house is beautiful, I had my own room with a fresh towel AND I got to drink tea from a mug, such a treat. I saw some amazing fireworks and had daily fear battles of avoiding the Gaur that would hangout around the front of the house.
I met the wonderful Ali. We have a mutual friend called Lucy back home in the UK that connected us when she knew we were both coming to India. Our first meeting happened on Lucy’s birthday so Ali suggested we create a mandala for her – such a wonderful experience. Ali lovingly pointed out that after all the work I have been doing that it might be a good idea to lighten things up a bit…. you think? So that is my commitment moving forward, to let some light in, have some fun, get out of my head, make new friends, volunteer, connect. Next stop, Auroville.