For the past 5 months I have noticed that there is a specific time in my menstrual cycle where I seek external comfort and holding from the masculine. Reaching out for support is completely OK, something I’d encourage even – I’m curious about what’s underneath my motivation to connect at a time when I feel a bit wobbly on the inside though. Inner parenting has been a significant part of my tantra journey, learning ways to hold the vulnerable part of myself so that I can connect with people from a more adult place.
In this video I explain how I re-directed my craving inwards to create my own holding and inner support. I feel so grateful for having an awareness of how these patterns show up in my cycle. It makes my unconscious behaviours visible and enables a deeper choice in how I interact with the people in my life.
My journey over the past couple of years has been about coming back into my body. I spent a majority of my life dissociated in a number of different ways. Whether it was through over eating, drugs and alcohol, being stuck in my head with looping thoughts or escaping through relationship after relationship. These were all unconscious strategies to leave my body simply because it didn’t feel safe to be fully present. I thought the answer was to go outwards.
I couldn’t believe it when my body came back online, when I fully occupied my body. It was an incredible moment, my skin was so sensitive to touch and I was in the most beautiful place of stillness. From that moment I’ve been shedding layers of trauma, feeling more deeply than ever, the highs and the lows. My body experiencing pleasure in the most exquisite way, I never even knew was possible.
When we allow ourselves to feel instead of running away we can open to the simple pleasures in life. Our bodies are wired for pleasure and when we are in a place of safety, life can become a pleasure playground.
A key thing that helped me come back into my body was a practice called Bioenergetics. A process that really grounded me, helped me shake off my old trauma and occupy my place in the world. I did this several times a week at Osho Leela – to get an idea of Bioenergetics, Deveraj Sandberg has a whole library of videos on his YouTube channel which guides you into postures to release tension and any stored up crap that your body has collected over the years.
So in order to really feel my heart….I came back into my body – felt, expressed, released, released, released 💛 I can now physically feel my heart energy, something that sounded completely abstract to me before.