Body, Love, Sexuality

The Cauldron of Sexuality

It’s in the cauldron of sexuality that all of our fears and vulnerabilities arise.

Mike & Louise Lousada

When you slow everything right down and strip away the fancy thrills, put the toys and sexy lingerie to one side and you meet in stillness – meeting through the eyes and with the breath, hearts can become ablaze in connection.

When you put performance to one side, the ideas of shoulds and should nots and occupy your body like a sacred vessel, enjoying the folds, and bumps and hairs and moles. Dissolving the focused thoughts of your mind and softening into the experience of sensation and pleasure in your body, delighting in the connection with yourself in relation to your beloved.

When you lower your protective layers and peer out from behind your masks, opening your heart and cultivating an intimacy that stirs to the depths of your soul…..

Chooooo Choooo

Along comes the self development express train promptly arriving to highlight the fears, vulnerabilities and wounds that have been sitting patiently, waiting for the perfect time to surface. The endorphin rushed expansion transports you into contraction…and it’s in this contracted place that we can put on our magical cloak of wonder and tenderly see what parts of us need our love, care and attention.

Sexuality, embodiment and relationships have been my greatest teachers and my biggest catalyst towards awakening.

Sex.is.vulnerable, it’s raw, it’s messy, it’s perfectly imperfect.

Being embodied is vulnerable, feeling it all, the highs and lows, being seen and showing yourself.

Opening our heart is vulnerable, holding those old fears of rejection and abandonment and breathing deeply into the fullness of our being and letting the air sweetly hold us and regulate us back into a feeling of safety and belonging.

When we open to our sexuality, a lot of powerful life-force energy can start to move – so as well as experiencing the ecstatic highs, we will also come up against our blocks. Old memories may surface, trickier emotions may grab our attention and take over our body, younger parts of us may emerge, the anxious, the fearful, the not good enoughs, the too much part, the stuck, the frozen, the dissociated.

Deep breath. Observe. Witness. Exhale.

The golden nugget and initiatory task here is to not abandon yourself, to not reject those parts that want to stay hidden from you and your beloved. What those parts need most is your undivided attention, curiosity and love. When you can truly meet those parts, feel them and allow them to express -then slowly, one by the one, the energy of your sexual blocks will begin to dissolve and you will return to a place of heart and sex opening expansion.

You do not need to do ‘the work’ alone. These wounds, insecurities and fears originated from our early relationships and so the most potent healing can occur when you can reveal yourself in relation to another.

In my work as a Psychosexual Somatics Coach, I offer a compassionate space for you to explore your fears and blocks around sex and intimacy. Through the process of coming home to your body, we can cultivate a loving space to help you soften and welcome those previously rejected parts into your being, bringing more care and acceptance into the wholeness that is you.

If this speaks to you and you want to know more about how my work could support you, then get in touch – eshana@loveandcareforyourself.co.uk -I’d love to hear from you and to dive into your unique and colourful cauldron of sexuality.

Body, Love, Mind, Sexuality

Revealing the Truth of your Heart

The truth will set you free.

You know that feeling when something is bubbling up inside that needs to be shared. And you might sit on it for a while but it causes tension in your body or a contraction, your jaw tightens and breath goes shallow. You may even pull away from the person you’re in connection with because it all becomes a bit of a muddle inside. But once the truth is revealed, everything in your body relaxes, space emerges, a relief, a dropping of the shoulders, deeper breathing returns and a softer face appears, connection returns and life feels rosy again.

I believe that everything wants to be seen and heard – the golden good stuff as well as the uncomfortable truths. In the past I’ve been terrible at communicating what’s really going on for me in relationship. I’ve certainly learnt the hard way, that sitting on my feelings just leads to resentment and a recipe for relationship disaster. This squashing of my feelings was driven by the belief that if I revealed my truth then I would be rejected. That story is coupled with a deep conditioning around being the good girl, the accommodater and the peace keeper that doesn’t rock the boat. Which I must add, are all perfectly valid protective mechanisms that have helped to keep me in connection and feeling safe….as well as squashed, contracted, angry and in a muddle.

This is where I feel the tangible impact of how Psychosexual Somatics (PST) has changed my life and the way I relate not only with a partner or lover but the people in my life in general. I live and breathe this work – it is not just a case of attending a course and then the work is done. Oh no, life is such a rich source of learning and growth.

I absolutely love the model that underpins the PST process. I’m gonna get a bit geeky with you for a minute. Within the framework we reference 5 core wounds and core fears that we can develop from the time we’re in our mothers womb up until around the ages of 5 or 6. These imprints to our nervous system develop as a direct result of how well our caregivers were able to attune to our needs for physical contact, nurture, autonomy, affirmation and sexual development. Remember there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, so this isn’t about blaming or shaming our parents for not properly meeting our needs.

When we develop these core wounds, they impact how we show up in the world as adults, it will impact how well we can relate, how easily we drop into intimacy, how well we can hold our boundaries, it impacts our body shape and the way we hold ourselves, the type of career we choose, it even impacts our ability to experience orgasm. Far out!!!

So, by identifying my core wounding, I now have a cognitive understanding of what is operating in my unconscious, bringing me into a place of choice and deeper love and compassion for myself. Alongside this cognitive awareness, I can then tune into my body and recognise how my nervous system is responding in situations. It is a mind, body process – top down and bottom up. A reprinting is happening to my brain and nervous system…and a fine example of cosmic jokery, where instead of rejection, revealing the truth of my heart can actually deepen intimacy and create more connection. Huzzah.

If you recognise yourself in my words. If you hold back in your relationships, protecting your heart and squashing your feelings for fear of rejection or abandonment then Psychosexual Somatics could be just your ticket…..and I could be your wonderful shiny coach to journey with. Sharing the same principles that have impacted my own life and am seeing deep lasting change with.

Interested? Then contact me for a 20 minute complimentary call to explore how PST could support your sexuality and intimacy aspirations. Contact me eshana@loveandcareforyourself.co.uk

The truth will set you free, your body, your heart, your mind, your nervous system, your sex, your everything ♥