Menstrual Magic

Gifts of Awareness in Autumn

Ahhh Autumn, a deep dive into the darkness of the underworld. My cycle awareness journey started because I would be such an emotional wreck at the end of my month, experiencing suicidal thoughts and being incredibly hard on myself. Once I delved into what my menstrual cycle actually meant, and why I was experiencing PMT symptoms, I was then able to hold myself a bit better each month.

Autumn is all about facing yourself. Anything you have been avoiding, any emotions or situations that you haven’t dealt with will likely bob up to the surface here. This is both brilliant and challenging, an inner alarm system presented in the form of your inner critic. Instead of bashing your head harder, the inner critic has gifts of awareness and understanding to share with you, key messages on how your life isn’t working. That is why ‘Three Gifts‘ is the absolute perfect chocolate for Autumn. Raw chocolate with Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh and Orange & Ginger for focus and clarity.

Day Twenty

(To catch up on days one to nineteen – Winter, Spring, Summer)

A slowing down, a welcomed end to the huge surge of energy I experienced during summer. I tuck into ‘Three Gifts’, armed and ready to take the steps down into the autumnal underworld. The chocolate dark, enveloping me, protecting me, as it melts I step down further into myself. Autumn is here, I am ready to face myself, be stripped bare and emptied.

Day Twenty-One

A slow start to the day. A visit to another sister – receiving encouragement for my dreams and aspirations. I’m really enjoying my sense of community dotted around the country. The first half of the cycle is about getting shit done, a power to do things on my own, the second half of the cycle is the acknowledgement that I can’t do it alone. A great time for collaboration.

I sit with ‘Three Gifts’ in my hand with the intension of pleasure. When I eat the chocolate my body tingles with delight, energy arching my back and tipping my head back in a heart opening posture. A mindful cheeky moment, I love how the chocolate activates me. I’m noticing a need for quiet, less words, energy levels are lower. Grateful that I can express my needs to my friend so that we can be nourished in each others company.

Day Twenty-Two

I feel dreamy and soft when I wake up and climb into bed with my friend and chat. A wonderful way to start the day. I’m observing my relationship with coffee and noticing the space that I enter when I drink it. I was disappointed to move from my dreamy state into a hyper place after drinking my coffee. I’m definitely in a process of change with this. I go for a run in the sunshine and cannot believe how mild it is for January. I sit down after my time in nature and this gorgeous song starts playing. A perfect time for me and my ‘Three Gifts’ chocolate – how is my body, how is my breath, how is my thinking? I rest into my heart and hold my attention just above my brow, the chocolate activation point. “I release control and surrender to the flow of love”.

Day Twenty-Three

Getting my house in order. Sending invoices, paying bills. Reflecting on what I want for my relationships. Truth flowing to the surface – it all seems so clear now. The chocolate holds me while I practice my talk. ‘Three gifts’ is my favourite – it feels dense, earthy, like an inner growl, don’t mess with me. Clear in my no and solid boundaries. Tiny bit irritable. Fear lurking in the shadows.

Day Twenty-Four

So far, I’m loving Autumn. A real clearing out process, such clarity of what needs to be removed and de-cluttered from my life. My insight over the past few days is around my self talk. I tend to use self deprecating humour, recognising the belief that if I’m funny people will think I am cute .and love me. Actually this isn’t serving me, if I stand in my power, I recognise my worth and my radiance and choose not to put myself down for a cheap laugh. I choose to value myself more. Great Autumnal awareness!

Day Twenty-Five

The fluidity of my words from earlier in the month has dried up. Trying to write a project overview and it’s challenging so I decide to just drop everything and drink tea. I’m much better in my spoken words today. My talk at Brighton Talks Sex went brilliantly today and I enjoyed recording a podcast as part of the event.

Day Twenty-Six

I’m over-joyed by how much support I am receiving at the moment. This collaboration is expanding alongside my heart. I’m gliding through autumn because I am on purpose. Actually, saying that, I do slip in an out of overwhelm occasionally- a cocktail of excitement and fear and taking on a lot. Coming back to the breath…..and the chocolate which completely explodes my heart!

Day Twenty-Seven

I woke up at 5am crying. Here we go, the emptying process. I’m suprised at my ability to be with my feelings and not add additional story to them. Ah sadness, I feel you and welcome you, honour and release and then move on. I used to be so addicted to drama and fantasy and would love the rabbit hole of thinking I’d get caught up in. That’s a big lesson I learnt last year, recognising when that if I feed the drama, it keeps myself in victim consciousness. It feels much kinder to my system to be in a place of observation and feeling.

Because of my early morning rise I’m irritable, patience of a saint I have not got.

Body, Love, Menstrual Magic

Sensual Summer

Over the past four years I have tuned into the gifts of my menstrual cycle. It has been a natural unfolding, bringing new awareness and insights, casually collecting the patterns of my cycle to assist me in the following months. Noticing themes such as the day before my bleed I have a craving for alcohol which is unusual for me as I rarely drink alcohol these days. On my crossover (the days between each season) I don’t sleep very well and have a mini melt down. During summer I feel generous and buy my loved ones gifts. A gentle learning has taken place. This month, however, is the first time that I have been more structured in how I tune into how I am feeling and each day I am amazed at the depth of insight. Zooming out and observing the richness of life happening to me, with me, in support of me.

Day Twelve

(Discover the delights of days 1 to 11 – Winter and Spring)

Things are moving fast, my energy has sky rocketed, it’s almost too much for me to contain. A friend wonderfully suggests that I don’t try and contain it and let it flow through me instead. I love the support and wisdom of my sisters. I’m flying after being asked to speak at ‘Brighton Talks Sex’,sharing this journey of chocolate, sex and my cycle – a juicy topic indeed.

I’m loving my body today, the shapes and curves, the mild achyness after loosing myself in the dance last night. I spend the day with a dear sister and we talk non stop for hours, listening, sharing, nourishing each other, challenging each other, loving each other. Before I leave I get out ‘Chocolate for a Gooddess‘, a peak experience chocolate for the crescendo of my month. After passionately explaining menstrual cycle awareness, I share the chocolate and a mindful moment with my dear friend and her daughter – the space between us enchanted….”this chocolate is an experience, something to be discovered mindfully”.

Day Thirteen

I’m feeling much more grounded today. I feel like the energy of giving birth to myself as a Women’s Empowerment Coach has been unleashed and now I can settle in the flushed cheek afterglow. I’ve been on a vast transformational journey over the past four years and I’ve picked up tools that have changed every aspect of my life. A real life metamorphosis documented through this blog. I’m fired up to be able to share this knowledge, the stuff that has worked for me, as a vehicle for change in other women. We’re all on our own path of discovery, following the seeds to bring us back home to the truth of who we really are. The one thing I’m sure about is that if you become a mistress of your inner world then your outer world will magically transform.

In summer…. you may experience a sense of mastery as all your skills and competencies come together. Whatever you hold in your heart is likely to be magnified in the world around you and in the people you meet. If you’re true to yourself and following your Calling, this season can be like a groovy jive dance with life, as you get busy manifesting your dreams. This season serves to affirm you and whatever you’re here to give. (Wild Power)

Day Fourteen

I’m focused and on mission, in my masculine energy, tunnel vision full spead ahead giving birth to ‘Eshana’s Menstrual Magic’ ebook. A welcomed break after lunch to rest in ‘Chocolate for a Gooddess’. A big hit of rushiness happens – this chocolate is potent!

Day Fifteen

I’m holding a complex range of internal dynamics, many opposing each other. In tantra, we are taught about holding the tension between opposites and I’m very much doing that at the moment. Feeling the wounded child, parenting her, being in my sovereign, feeling my fear, anger and then joy. As I’m feeling it all my heart is cracking open in affirmation to new life, new awareness, new power. My drive for work has softened, my internal pusher taking a little rest, I imagine because I got in touch with the vulnerability swimming underneath the pusher striving energy.

My after lunch treat, a new ritual emerging where I put music on and let the chocolate melt in my mouth. I’m immediately aware of my heart and the feel of my clothes on my skin. My body naturally starts flowing, gliding in my seated position. ‘Chocolate for a Goddess’ is all about unleashing the sensual women – oooooh yes. You don’t need to be in a partnership to experience the wonder of your sensuality.

Day Sixteen

I’m on the move, more ideas pouring in, supporting my vision, high energy as I drive from Wales to visit my sister. I ceremoniously put the last chunk of ‘Chocolate for a Goddess’ in my mouth at 11.11am whilst laughing at the serious silliness of it all.

Day Seventeen

I’m really starting to feel a shift in gear, I’m over the crest of the high energy hill. My system is telling me to slow down, calm my nervous system and stop rushing around to achieve everything all at once. The endings of my masculine energy and call for the feminine to emerge. Going inward, glowing in my own presence and being receptive to life instead of penetrating it. As Wild Power so beautifully describes… my outer lights have faded and my inner lights are about to illuminate.

….uh oh… I have run out of ‘Chocolate for a Goddess’. I wanted to share it with my loved ones because it is so delicious. This was a great discovery for me – I noticed that during the past 3 summers, I became really generous. It’s lovely to be in giving mode but not when it means that I cut myself short. It made me wonder where else in my life am I giving myself away and leaving myself short of time/energy/money/resources. This is a great piece to be aware of next month when I find myself in my generous giving energy.

Day Eighteen

So frickin excited, after 18 days of having spaciousness and ‘tuning in’ to my cycle – I’ve created an exciting business idea. It has effortlessly flowed out of me. I’m in total awe of how powerful being in touch with my cycle is. Life is magical.

Day Nineteen – Crossover.

I’ve had the biggest surge of energy the past few days, it has slightly overwhelmed me. Lots of energy moving through my body, shallow breath and shaky. Still lots of ideas coming though. I arrive in Brighton on a beautiful crisps cold and sunny day. Spending time with a beloved sister who reminds me that I’m a Sagittarian – sparky fireworks of ideas happen, a fire sign, horse galloping, arrow focus on the target. This coupled with peak ovulation is going to be FULL. Reassuring. I’m going to guess this and perhaps yesterday are my crossover days as I’ve felt pretty ungrounded. Which means the start of a new chocolate tomorrow. Fabulous.