I made a commitment a couple of months back to have a morning practice. I set my alarm at 6am, get up, have my porridge and then return to my room. I light a candle to symbolise the aliveness in me, I am here, I AM ALIVE. Then I take my comfy position on my meditation cushion for an achievable time of ten to fifteen minutes. I have my meditation playlist on in the background and I sink into my heart. Inspired by a grounding meditation taught by my dear friend Lucy, I let all that needs to be released out through my feet and into the ground and then scan my body from tippy toes to head, filling every part of my being with love. My mantra – I am love, I am loveable, I am deserving of love.
Rewind a few weeks and I’m sat on some grass outside of a workshop tent at Buddhafield waiting for the Co-Transformation workshop to start. A bright faced young man approaches me and asks me what the workshop is about. I said that I didn’t know and covered his face in glitter which seemed to convince him to stay and give the workshop a try. Whilst chatting I was having a mild grump that I seemed to be the only person in Surrey there, he smiled and said that he lived in Guildford (20 minutes away from me), I excitedly got out my pen and gave him my number.
I received a text from glitter man and he popped round to mine for multiple cups of tea and naan bread pizza (a delicacy in my house). We were sat opposite each other and I could feel myself shrinking slightly , the intimacy of being face to face was a little scary for me, there was nowhere to hide. I stayed with this feeling, took a deep breath and decided to drop into a deeper conversation, my words shared parts of me and I was received with great presence. The power of his vulnerability and depth of sharing softened me. My heart burst wide open to this man.
A few days later I was reading a book called Anatomy of Love (I’m refining my interactive workshop on what happens to our brains when we fall in love). I was running through a check list in my head of the signs when you are falling in love. I was very surprised to realise that I was having the experience of falling in love with this man (the everyday intrusive thoughts were the give away). It was really wonderful to observe the sensations happening in me, I inhaled this feeling in and around my body.
The next morning I am back in my crossed legged position, I sink into my heart and my body is sparkling with love. Occasionally thoughts enter my head around rejection or some other fear construction and I move into my heart, it doesn’t contract, I am amazed at how easily it remains open.
I meet up with the man later that evening and explain that I have had quite a profound experience after he bared his soul to me a few days before. I expressed my love for him. I expressed it coming from a place where I’m not using him, not needing him, not wanting a ‘relationship’ with him. Just expressing my pure unconditional love for him. It was so beautiful and moving. I’ve turned this unbelievable relating corner. We have this incredible open dialogue, navigating our way through the man/woman landscape, is this friendship, is this romance and have arrived at a place of a deeply loving friendship. I have not experienced anything like it before. How often do we bypass this stage when meeting someone new and end up 6 months down the line in a relationship that isn’t right?
For possibly the first time ever I am moved to experience my capacity for unconditional love. I absolutely believe that this is down to my daily practice. I am generating my own love, for myself, brewing it from within and sharing it with myself. It is very easy for me to offer my love to someone else when I have it for myself in abundance. Mmmmmm so yummy!!!
So there are several messages here.
- Recognise the deep love from within and caress yourself with it daily, drink it in, absorb it, believe that you are LOVE.
- Reflect on your motivations for wanting to connect with a person. It is because you find them attractive and you are curious? Is it out of boredom, loneliness, neediness, validation? What impact will your motivations have on the quality of your interaction?
- Be vulnerable, show up, be yourself, speak your truth, this creates real depth and intimacy, or in other words…this is where the magic happens. ♥