Ahhh Autumn, a deep dive into the darkness of the underworld. My cycle awareness journey started because I would be such an emotional wreck at the end of my month, experiencing suicidal thoughts and being incredibly hard on myself. Once I delved into what my menstrual cycle actually meant, and why I was experiencing PMT symptoms, I was then able to hold myself a bit better each month.
Autumn is all about facing yourself. Anything you have been avoiding, any emotions or situations that you haven’t dealt with will likely bob up to the surface here. This is both brilliant and challenging, an inner alarm system presented in the form of your inner critic. Instead of bashing your head harder, the inner critic has gifts of awareness and understanding to share with you, key messages on how your life isn’t working. That is why ‘Three Gifts‘ is the absolute perfect chocolate for Autumn. Raw chocolate with Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh and Orange & Ginger for focus and clarity.
A slowing down, a welcomed end to the huge surge of energy I experienced during summer. I tuck into ‘Three Gifts’, armed and ready to take the steps down into the autumnal underworld. The chocolate dark, enveloping me, protecting me, as it melts I step down further into myself. Autumn is here, I am ready to face myself, be stripped bare and emptied.
A slow start to the day. A visit to another sister – receiving encouragement for my dreams and aspirations. I’m really enjoying my sense of community dotted around the country. The first half of the cycle is about getting shit done, a power to do things on my own, the second half of the cycle is the acknowledgement that I can’t do it alone. A great time for collaboration.
I sit with ‘Three Gifts’ in my hand with the intension of pleasure. When I eat the chocolate my body tingles with delight, energy arching my back and tipping my head back in a heart opening posture. A mindful cheeky moment, I love how the chocolate activates me. I’m noticing a need for quiet, less words, energy levels are lower. Grateful that I can express my needs to my friend so that we can be nourished in each others company.
I feel dreamy and soft when I wake up and climb into bed with my friend and chat. A wonderful way to start the day. I’m observing my relationship with coffee and noticing the space that I enter when I drink it. I was disappointed to move from my dreamy state into a hyper place after drinking my coffee. I’m definitely in a process of change with this. I go for a run in the sunshine and cannot believe how mild it is for January. I sit down after my time in nature and this gorgeous song starts playing. A perfect time for me and my ‘Three Gifts’ chocolate – how is my body, how is my breath, how is my thinking? I rest into my heart and hold my attention just above my brow, the chocolate activation point. “I release control and surrender to the flow of love”.
Getting my house in order. Sending invoices, paying bills. Reflecting on what I want for my relationships. Truth flowing to the surface – it all seems so clear now. The chocolate holds me while I practice my talk. ‘Three gifts’ is my favourite – it feels dense, earthy, like an inner growl, don’t mess with me. Clear in my no and solid boundaries. Tiny bit irritable. Fear lurking in the shadows.
So far, I’m loving Autumn. A real clearing out process, such clarity of what needs to be removed and de-cluttered from my life. My insight over the past few days is around my self talk. I tend to use self deprecating humour, recognising the belief that if I’m funny people will think I am cute .and love me. Actually this isn’t serving me, if I stand in my power, I recognise my worth and my radiance and choose not to put myself down for a cheap laugh. I choose to value myself more. Great Autumnal awareness!
The fluidity of my words from earlier in the month has dried up. Trying to write a project overview and it’s challenging so I decide to just drop everything and drink tea. I’m much better in my spoken words today. My talk at Brighton Talks Sex went brilliantly today and I enjoyed recording a podcast as part of the event.
I’m over-joyed by how much support I am receiving at the moment. This collaboration is expanding alongside my heart. I’m gliding through autumn because I am on purpose. Actually, saying that, I do slip in an out of overwhelm occasionally- a cocktail of excitement and fear and taking on a lot. Coming back to the breath…..and the chocolate which completely explodes my heart!
I woke up at 5am crying. Here we go, the emptying process. I’m suprised at my ability to be with my feelings and not add additional story to them. Ah sadness, I feel you and welcome you, honour and release and then move on. I used to be so addicted to drama and fantasy and would love the rabbit hole of thinking I’d get caught up in. That’s a big lesson I learnt last year, recognising when that if I feed the drama, it keeps myself in victim consciousness. It feels much kinder to my system to be in a place of observation and feeling.
Because of my early morning rise I’m irritable, patience of a saint I have not got.