Body, Love, Mind, Sexuality

Revealing the Truth of your Heart

The truth will set you free.

You know that feeling when something is bubbling up inside that needs to be shared. And you might sit on it for a while but it causes tension in your body or a contraction, your jaw tightens and breath goes shallow. You may even pull away from the person you’re in connection with because it all becomes a bit of a muddle inside. But once the truth is revealed, everything in your body relaxes, space emerges, a relief, a dropping of the shoulders, deeper breathing returns and a softer face appears, connection returns and life feels rosy again.

I believe that everything wants to be seen and heard – the golden good stuff as well as the uncomfortable truths. In the past I’ve been terrible at communicating what’s really going on for me in relationship. I’ve certainly learnt the hard way, that sitting on my feelings just leads to resentment and a recipe for relationship disaster. This squashing of my feelings was driven by the belief that if I revealed my truth then I would be rejected. That story is coupled with a deep conditioning around being the good girl, the accommodater and the peace keeper that doesn’t rock the boat. Which I must add, are all perfectly valid protective mechanisms that have helped to keep me in connection and feeling safe….as well as squashed, contracted, angry and in a muddle.

This is where I feel the tangible impact of how Psychosexual Somatics (PST) has changed my life and the way I relate not only with a partner or lover but the people in my life in general. I live and breathe this work – it is not just a case of attending a course and then the work is done. Oh no, life is such a rich source of learning and growth.

I absolutely love the model that underpins the PST process. I’m gonna get a bit geeky with you for a minute. Within the framework we reference 5 core wounds and core fears that we can develop from the time we’re in our mothers womb up until around the ages of 5 or 6. These imprints to our nervous system develop as a direct result of how well our caregivers were able to attune to our needs for physical contact, nurture, autonomy, affirmation and sexual development. Remember there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, so this isn’t about blaming or shaming our parents for not properly meeting our needs.

When we develop these core wounds, they impact how we show up in the world as adults, it will impact how well we can relate, how easily we drop into intimacy, how well we can hold our boundaries, it impacts our body shape and the way we hold ourselves, the type of career we choose, it even impacts our ability to experience orgasm. Far out!!!

So, by identifying my core wounding, I now have a cognitive understanding of what is operating in my unconscious, bringing me into a place of choice and deeper love and compassion for myself. Alongside this cognitive awareness, I can then tune into my body and recognise how my nervous system is responding in situations. It is a mind, body process – top down and bottom up. A reprinting is happening to my brain and nervous system…and a fine example of cosmic jokery, where instead of rejection, revealing the truth of my heart can actually deepen intimacy and create more connection. Huzzah.

If you recognise yourself in my words. If you hold back in your relationships, protecting your heart and squashing your feelings for fear of rejection or abandonment then Psychosexual Somatics could be just your ticket…..and I could be your wonderful shiny coach to journey with. Sharing the same principles that have impacted my own life and am seeing deep lasting change with.

Interested? Then contact me for a 20 minute complimentary call to explore how PST could support your sexuality and intimacy aspirations. Contact me eshana@loveandcareforyourself.co.uk

The truth will set you free, your body, your heart, your mind, your nervous system, your sex, your everything ♥

Body, Sexuality, Spirit

Body, Breath, Emotions and Pleasure

For women…. finding the divine starts with finding their body, feeling their breath, feeling their emotions and allowing themselves to be wracked with unbearable pleasure. David Deida

Yuuuum, this delicious quote popped up on my facebook memories this morning. I believe that if you can cultivate a depth of connection to yourself, then you can have the most exquisite intimacy with life, to pleasure and to divinity (if that is what interests you of course).

It is really hard for a person to experience pleasure if they do not have a connection with themselves, if they are disconnected from their body, if they are locked in their head with thoughts, if there is a feeling of unsafety, or if they are not allowing the full breadth of their emotions to move and be expressed.

If you recognise yourself in any of the above, then rest assured that you are not alone, it is actually super common. In fact you can thank you gorgeous brain for automatically putting these protective behaviours in place to try and keep you safe. Awe, you’ve got such a clever brain!!

Through the Psychosexual Somatics (PST) process the first port of call is to see where you are at with all of this stuff. First stop; safety. If a woman does not feel safe, it is going to be almost impossible for her to fully open and to experience pleasure, let alone orgasm. So we explore, is your body in a place of safety and if not, why might that be? Do you recognise when you feel safe and when you have become activated? In PST we help you to come in to your body and notice what is happening. This might be the first time in your life that you have built a felt sense relationship with her, and so we do it slowly and gently.

We might explore what the relationship is with your body? What experiences in your life have contributed to this colourful collage of body connection or disconnection. We will unpick the ways you might avoid being in your body and discover the ways that you avoid feeling your emotions.

All of this juicy and gentle exploration will give us big clues on how we will work together for the remaining sessions. Helping you come into your body, bringing her into a place of safety through the breath, bringing love and compassion to all that swirls in your inner world, slowly increasing your capacity to feel and giving yourself permission for pleasure. Yum, yum, yum.

If you’re wanting to open to yourself, to your body, to pleasure… to the divinity in and all around you, then contact me for a complimentary 20 minute call – email me eshana@loveandcareforyourself.co.uk