When I was younger, I learnt to compete with my older sister to receive love. What I learnt was that if I am the shiniest, the brainiest and the most creative then I would receive more love than my sister. Now, I am of the belief that the patterns that are programmed in our childhood play out in our adult relationships.
Never before have I felt so blessed to be in connection with a network of incredible women. Friendships forming and deepening based on mutual love and respect, empowering each other to shine brightly. But it’s not all sunshine and roses….
My inner child see’s someone shinier, she see’s someone else singing with more grace, she see’s someone more intelligent. She feels threatened, her strategy for getting love is failing. Jealousy comes out to play, a powerlessness shows its face, anger bangs on my belly. Disconnection happens. Withdrawal. The space between us becomes messy. This isn’t the sisterhood I aspire to be a part of.
Inner Autumn of the menstrual cycle is all about facing our shadow and I’ve had an interesting time looking at all of this stuff this weekend. I’ve felt some uncomfortable feelings seeing my jealousy, my desire for power, my fear of not belonging and my sometimes desperate need for love emerge.
Luckily, I trust the women in my life enough to bring this sticky stuff out of the shadow to be looked at with them, to be processed so that it can all be properly integrated into my psyche. The more I can accept the darkness within me, the more I can accept you and all that you bring into the space.
Having the awareness and willingness to be curious about the points of disconnection, the charges we have with people, the feelings of discomfort the other person illicits in us enables healthier and more intimate relationships. Having the courage to own our shadow enables a sisterhood of real connection, of unity, of growth, of equals, recognising each of our strengths and supporting each others challenges.
We all have a place to shine.