In this video I explain how I uncovered just how conditioned my self love has been recently. Body image has been this consistent theme that crops up for me, a bit like a ball and chain actually. And like the spiral, each time it comes back around, I have the same issue but a deeper awareness and understanding of who I am and why I operate in a certain way.
I had my first regression session this week. I’ve never really connected with past life stuff until very recently. I’ve been having some vivid images pop up and so I felt to explore them further. The theme that stood out, the message that my soul had for me from each past life was the reminder that I am love and that I am loved. Words don’t really do this kind of experience justice but my whole body was radiating with love by the end of the session. The root of love in within.
Over the past few months I have really seen how much of my personality has developed to seek external validation and love. It is like I’ve got a new lens on how I operate and it is quite a process not to just drop into judgement with this new awareness. The people pleasing good girl is lovely and all but she is in serious need of an upgrade. I’m just not being truly authentic or honest if I’m playing out those roles. I’m feeling humble, sensitive and vulnerable in this stripping down process. Wondering, when I’m not those things, then who really am I?
So to have the regression session reminding me that the source of love is within, and for me to discover my conditioned self love a couple of days after feels like uncanny and well needed timing.
Pamper Day for the Soul – As mentioned in the video, if you are a woman and want to enjoy a nourishing day of dance, intimacy, touch, chocolate making and enchanted cycles then do join us in Brighton on 9th June. It is going to be a very beautiful day.
When I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror, I really saw the depth of my own beauty and could see my body with kindness and love. Hallelujah – because my inner body critic has been super present recently….and it is exhausting battling her.
When I’m feeling grounded, I can rest in my body, be in a place of love and acceptance and really experience my inner radiance and vitality. If I feel off balance, or a bit wobbly on the inside (like I have recently) then this is the time where my body critic comes to the foreground. I’ve learnt that my body image struggle goes beyond my actual body and goes beyond the food that I choose to eat (although it plays a key role in how I feel about myself). I now know that this fixation on my body simply masks a deeper feeling of vulnerability. When my perceived “faulty” body becomes a stuck record in my head, I hear it as a screeching alarm announcing that there is a part of me that is feeling scared and vulnerable and that something needs to be shared or acknowledged from within. When the voice underneath my critic has been heard and my inner needs are responded to, then the strength of my critic dissolves. I know that the fixed complaint is NEVER just about about my body, a whirlwind of emotion is cooking up on the inside.
Over the past year, I have been questioning… who is this body critic part, whose voice does it represent, why is this part so active at certain times and not at others? The answers have enabled me to understand my process – especially when I’m in the thick of it when my inner critic is boss. When I’m in battle with her, I have a crack of light peering through the negative illusion, the awareness of truth shining through. It takes practice, and a commitment to be with myself. When I’m feeling a bit bleurgh then this is exactly the time not to abandon myself, to be with myself in my struggle, frustration and mess, knowing that these feelings will pass once I can hold my vulnerable parts with tenderness and love.