Feel Your Heart

Feeling my heart….what does that even mean?

My journey over the past couple of years has been about coming back into my body. I spent a majority of my life dissociated in a number of different ways. Whether it was through over eating, drugs and alcohol, being stuck in my head with looping thoughts or escaping through relationship after relationship. These were all unconscious strategies to leave my body simply because it didn’t feel safe to be fully present. I thought the answer was to go outwards.

I couldn’t believe it when my body came back online, when I fully occupied my body. It was an incredible moment, my skin was so sensitive to touch and I was in the most beautiful place of stillness. From that moment I’ve been shedding layers of trauma, feeling more deeply than ever, the highs and the lows. My body experiencing pleasure in the most exquisite way, I never even knew was possible.

When we allow ourselves to feel instead of running away we can open to the simple pleasures in life. Our bodies are wired for pleasure and when we are in a place of safety, life can become a pleasure playground.

A key thing that helped me come back into my body was a practice called Bioenergetics. A process that really grounded me, helped me shake off my old trauma and occupy my place in the world. I did this several times a week at Osho Leela – to get an idea of Bioenergetics, Deveraj Sandberg has a whole library of videos on his YouTube channel which guides you into postures to release tension and any stored up crap that your body has collected over the years.

So in order to really feel my heart….I came back into my body – felt, expressed, released, released, released 💛 I can now physically feel my heart energy, something that sounded completely abstract to me before. 

Menstrual Magic, Spirit

I Didn’t Get The Job

Around this time last year I created a presentation for a job interview and used chocolate as part of the talk. It was an outside-in presentation where I fitted myself to the role. I felt confident though, I’d successfully worked in the same role for a different council. At the time, my friend said “I hope that you get the job, if that is what the universe has in store for you.”

I didn’t get the job.

I’ve NEVER not got the job. My pride was a little more than dented.

But of course I didn’t, it was just after my awakening, I was off work with stress and had huge amounts of trauma releasing from my body. I was a frickin shaking mess.

After not getting the job, I spent the year letting everything go, stripping myself and my life of all that was no longer serving me. Then I started to build myself back up again from a place of love and being guided by my heart.

This week I spoke at an event called Brighton Talks Sex on subjects that came straight from my heart, passions and lived experience, a proper inside out job and collaboration with my dear sister Aradhana – creator of MOON chocolate. And guess what – I used chocolate as part of my presentation. I can’t help but chuckle at the parallels between last year and now.

As part of my talk I launched myself as a Women’s Empowerment Coach using the menstrual cycle as a tool for transformation. I’ve created a free ebook called “Eshana’s Menstrual Magic” which outlines my offer. Check it out when you get some time and dance with me in my excitement.

I cannot tell you how pleased I am that I didn’t get that job last year. Not only have I had a year of adventure, it provided an opportunity for space and silence so that my true souls calling and purpose could be heard. I didn’t think it into fruition, a series of beautiful steps unfolded and guided me to this place. An experience of being in complete flow and connection with my heart energy – something I’ve never experienced before.

The tantric way is to go slow and trust in life’s unfolding and to hold yourself in the not knowing. It completely turns me on, excites me and scares the crap out of me not knowing what is round the corner. It feels like the true feminine way, surrendering to the flow of life.

I’ve got a huge body of work that I’m in the process of birthing and my midwives have been my incredible friends and family who have offered me support, love, a bed and delicious food. Being nomadic can be wonderful. The work will be a series of transformational tools that have contributed to my own metamorphosis over the past four years. My tag line:

Become a mistress of your inner world and watch your outer world magically transform.

Whether it is self -love, romantic relationships, self belief, friendships, money, sexuality – all of this is an inside job. Become a total goddess inside and your radiance will shine so brightly, your life won’t have any choice but to change.

And I can’t wait to skip alongside you as you do it, become it, are it – all those things that YOUR heart truly desires.