Last year was about expansion and understanding the full power of being a woman. This year there has been contraction… nature moving through me, I open and I close. There has been such gold for me in this contracted place. As my external life crumbles out of perfection and into chaos I am faced with the source of my own loveability. Falling into my default core beliefs of unworthiness, unloveable, not enough-ness. I check myself out in this place, curious about how my body feels here, how my emotions are, how my thoughts are. How my automatic ways of being drive me towards the things that will get external love and validation. The awareness brings me choice, I’m at ground zero, I can choose to move forward as I was or build myself up from a very different place. Blossoming out into spring, with gold in my hand and love in my heart and a humble power from this contraction. The light, the shadow both so rich in it’s teachings. An invitation to deeply love myself in the chaos and the perfection – what a wonderfully important initiation this is turning out to be….
In this video I explain how I uncovered just how conditioned my self love has been recently. Body image has been this consistent theme that crops up for me, a bit like a ball and chain actually. And like the spiral, each time it comes back around, I have the same issue but a deeper awareness and understanding of who I am and why I operate in a certain way.
I had my first regression session this week. I’ve never really connected with past life stuff until very recently. I’ve been having some vivid images pop up and so I felt to explore them further. The theme that stood out, the message that my soul had for me from each past life was the reminder that I am love and that I am loved. Words don’t really do this kind of experience justice but my whole body was radiating with love by the end of the session. The root of love in within.
Over the past few months I have really seen how much of my personality has developed to seek external validation and love. It is like I’ve got a new lens on how I operate and it is quite a process not to just drop into judgement with this new awareness. The people pleasing good girl is lovely and all but she is in serious need of an upgrade. I’m just not being truly authentic or honest if I’m playing out those roles. I’m feeling humble, sensitive and vulnerable in this stripping down process. Wondering, when I’m not those things, then who really am I?
So to have the regression session reminding me that the source of love is within, and for me to discover my conditioned self love a couple of days after feels like uncanny and well needed timing.
Pamper Day for the Soul – As mentioned in the video, if you are a woman and want to enjoy a nourishing day of dance, intimacy, touch, raw chocolate cake making and enchanted cycles then do join us in Brighton on 9th June. It is going to be a very beautiful day.